Blog - Page 10 of 11 - Westchester Divorce Lawyer

Collaborating When Litigating a Divorce. An Oxymoron?

Recently, another divorce attorney made a profound comment about the practice of divorce law: “So many litigations settle before trial, I consider my litigated cases to be another opportunity to collaborate. In fact, I see them as another form of collaborative.” What a revolutionary idea! This attorney and I were on opposite sides of a very intensely litigated divorce. Like most divorce cases, it settled before trial. Both of us brought our collaborative skills to the negotiations, and we both had a collaborative attitude. Despite the hotly contested issues in the case, we were able to collaborate to the extent that the divorcing couple, the Judge and the circumstances made it possible do so. We were able to preserve more of the couple’s financial resources than would have been possible if the case had gone to trial, followed by the inevitable appeal. When it is necessary for a divorce litigator … Read More...

Divorce: Why consider Collaborative?

The court system is, by definition, adversarial. The system is set up to pit conflicting parties against each other. Justice is achieved – in theory – because the party with the most persuasive argument “wins.” When it comes to dissolving a marriage, however, this theory of justice is not borne out in experience. A divorcing couple’s “day in court” usually comes at an enormous price, depleting their financial resources and causing emotional damage. The adversarial system intensifies and prolongs conflict. Even in adversarial divorces settled “out of court,” the negotiations involve intimidation and power, again at excessive cost. To be sure – there are some situations (cases involving domestic violence, for example) where court action is necessary. In most divorce cases, though, there are no clear-cut villains and victims. Just hurt, angry people trapped in a system that promotes antagonism and distrust. Mediation is a viable alternative for some couples … Read More...

Co-Parenting and Collaborative Divorce

Co-parenting during the holidays is often fraught with difficulty, even many years after a divorce. For couples who choose to divorce the collaborative way, however, the stress of the “holiday shuffle” is reduced, if not eliminated. The collaborative process allows the divorcing couple to structure a holiday plan for the children tailored to the needs of their specific situation. Because both parents have played an active role in the process – working in partnership with each other and their attorneys – both parents have a sense of ownership of the holiday plan. They are less likely to resist it or try to undermine it each year when the holidays come along. Moreover, some flexibility can be incorporated into the plan when negotiating collaboratively. This points out one of the most important reasons to consider a collaborative divorce. When a couple has had children together, there is going to have to … Read More...

What Kind of Collaborative Advocacy Do You Need?

What is the advocacy that you need from your collaborative divorce attorney? Very simply, that depends on you and what you need at any given moment in the collaborative case. Collaborative practice is very fluid settlement process and there is a spectrum of advocacy that an experienced and well-trained collaborative lawyer can provide.

When you and your spouse choose collaborative practice as the process for resolving your divorce, it is critical that your collaborative lawyer provide the advocacy that you need, and that your voice is heard during the settlement conferences. What is the advocacy that you need from your collaborative divorce attorney? Very simply, that depends on you and what you need at any given moment in the collaborative case. Collaborative practice is very fluid settlement process and there is a spectrum of advocacy that an experienced and well-trained collaborative lawyer can provide.

Children and Divorce

Parenting can be challenging, even under ideal circumstances. When parents divorce, parenting is even more of a challenge. The conflict that gave rise to the divorce and the divorce itself put children under stress. Helping children cope with this major disruption in their lives requires extra parenting skill. Moreover, a child needs a good relationship with both parents, regardless of how the parents feel about each other. I encourage divorcing parents to get some coaching on co-parenting from a mental health professional with expertise in this area. Look for a therapist who provides a focused form of counseling that teaches specific strategies to help divorcing parents understand and meet their children’s needs. Many of the therapists who belong to the New York Association of Collaborative Professionals provide co-parenting coaching. http://www.nycollaborativeprofessionals.org/who-is-collaborative-for/children

Why Collaborative Divorce or Mediation?

Huffington Post Divorce Blogger Mark Baer’s latest post is entitled “Is Mediation About Reaching the Same Result in a More Efficient and Economic Manner?” This is a great question, and gets to the heart of an even more basic question, “Why mediation?” In my experience doing collaborative divorce (a form of mediation), the results are far superior to what a judge will decide at trial. In a true mediation process, the parties can shape a result tailored to their specific needs and interests. After 35 years’ experience doing family law litigation and 12 years doing collaborative divorce and mediation, I have found that judges wield a blunt instrument; in mediation, the parties use a scalpel when resolving issues. And, as Mark Baer points out, judges bring their own unconscious biases to the process. Moreover, because the parties in a mediation “own” the result, there is usually very little post-settlement conflict … Read More...

Divorce: To Mediate, Collaborate or Litigate, – That is The Question.

Published in Financial Planning Association of the Greater Hudson Valley, Spring 2009 Newsletter

When confronted with a divorce, you don’t need to be a legal scholar to know the risks of going to trial and having a judge decide the issues in a court of law. Just talk to your friends and relatives who have been through a bitter divorce in the courts, or to any honest divorce lawyer. They will tell you that the costs, both financially and emotionally, of a court battle in a divorce can be ruinous, not only for the divorcing couple but also for their children.

Published in Financial Planning Association of the Greater Hudson Valley, Spring 2009 Newsletter When confronted with a divorce, you don’t need to be a legal scholar to know the risks of going to trial and having a judge decide the issues in a court of law. Just talk to your friends and relatives who have been through a bitter divorce in the courts, or to any honest divorce lawyer. They will tell you that the costs, both financially and emotionally, of a court battle in a divorce can be ruinous, not only for the divorcing couple but also for their children.

Restraining the Custodial Parent from Relocating the Child to a Distant Domicile

Published in the Domestic Law, May 1988 It’s an emergency! A new client, Mr. Stayput, telephones you in a panic. His former wife, the custodial parent, has threatened to leave the jurisdiction with their child and relocate to a distant state by the end of the month. She plans to marry and become Mrs. Gogo, hereafter referred to by that name. Unless you can restrain Mrs. Gogo from so relocating, Mr. Stayput, at worst, may never see his child again; or, at best, will never see his child as often. Neither option is satisfactory. Everyone involved has a lot at stake. Mr. Stayput wants to prevent the potential irrevocable damage to his relationship with his child. Mrs. Gogo may have at stake her remarriage plans, better employment opportunities in the foreign jurisdiction for herself and/or her fiancé (Mr. Gogo), and more time with the child if she plans to work … Read More...

The Struggle to Preserve Collaborative Law Benefits When Litigating a Divorce

Published in Westchester Bar Journal, Spring/Summer 2007 The Spring/Summer 2007 edition of the Westchester Bar Journal included my introductory article on collaborative law entitled: “Collaborative Law: Divorce Lawyer as Peacemaker.” This follow up article gives my impressions and observations of the collaborative law movement in Westchester, those regarding the avalanche of divorce litigation in Westchester shared by Hon. Anthony A. Scarpino (Supervising Judge of the Matrimonial Part in Westchester who also serves as our Surrogate’s Court Judge), how collaboratively trained lawyers can serve and benefit in the adversarial court system, and an illustrative case study. The case study demonstrates the benefits available in the collaborative process, the struggle to keep those benefits from being eroded and lost during divorce litigation, and how one attorney involved in litigation – with collaborative training – can still have a positive impact, both in the case and the overall court system. Impressions and Observations … Read More...

Collaborative Law: Divorce Lawyer As Peacemaker

Published in the Westchester Bar Journal, Spring/Summer 2006 An army of peacemakers is growing throughout the United States and other countries in the field of divorce law. These peacemakers are collaborative lawyers, and I am one of them. If you are a matrimonial lawyer, a lawyer doing some divorce cases, or a spouse considering a divorce, collaborative law is an important subject that may have a huge impact on your life. Definition Collaborative law is a divorce settlement process. Each party is represented by a collaborative attorney, trained in the disciplines of divorce mediation as well as collaborative law. Rather than starting a divorce action, an initial agreement known as a Participation Agreement is signed by the parties and their attorneys providing, among other things, that the parties shall not go to Court, or threaten to do so, during the settlement process, and the attorneys shall not be the litigators … Read More...