Divorce Out-of-Court Settlement Archives - Westchester Divorce Lawyer

The Divorce Process: Begin with the End in Mind

When meeting with a new divorce client, I encourage them to think about what they want in a good long-term outcome. In the words of the late management guru Stephen Covey, best-selling author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, “Begin with the End in Mind.” Starting the process of divorce can be scary In fact, stress can overwhelm the brain at this time. Anxiety triggers the fight or flight nervous system response, impairing cognitive function. When you’re experiencing anxiety and a plethora of other feelings (e.g. hurt, anger, disappointment, guilt, betrayal, or even shame), it is virtually impossible to think long-term. Apply emotional intelligence to your divorce process However, I do not tell clients to leave their feelings out of the process. Instead, I recommend that they work with a good mental health professional to help them process their feelings; this enables them to apply both their rational … Read More...

Considering a Divorce? Think Long-Term.

A Good Divorce Aftermath: Why it Matters After practicing matrimonial law for some 45 years, I’ve come to the following realization: a good divorce settlement and aftermath is priceless, especially if you have children. After your divorce, your future ex-spouse will still be the other parent of your children. That person will continue to be an important part of your children’s lives — and, consequently, your life. For a couple with young children, it is obvious that they will need to form a long-term co-parenting partnership. Decisions about the children’s religious upbringing, education, extracurricular activities, health care, and the scheduling of holiday visitations and vacations will necessitate many conversations over the years. (For advice regarding children and holidays post-divorce, click here: https://www.westchesterdivorcelawyer.com/divorce-aftermath-co-parenting-and-the-holiday-shuffle/) But even for divorcing couples who have adult children, a respectful relationship between the parents is invaluable. College graduations, weddings, the birth of grandchildren, and the grandchildren’s relationship … Read More...

Choosing a Divorce Attorney: Why Hire a Settlement Professional?

If your goal is a good divorce settlement, it makes sense to choose an attorney with skills, training and experience in getting good settlements. Why would you go to a trial lawyer? If you had a heart problem, would you go to an orthopedist? Divorce settlement negotiations are different from pretrial negotiations Most lawyers are trained in adversarial trial tactics; they bring those tactics to the negotiating table. My early training as a divorce lawyer followed this antagonistic model. After years as a divorce attorney, I could see that our adversarial court system is not set up to support a reasonable, non-combative approach to dissolving a marriage. So, I decided to get some training in collaborative divorce and mediation. It was eye-opening! I had to unlearn much of what I thought I knew about settlement negotiations. Indeed, see my recent blog about how an attorney who spent a lot of … Read More...

Looking for a Divorce Attorney, and Want to Avoid Court?

If you are on the threshold of a divorce in New York, and you hope to have a divorce out-of-court settlement, you will want a New York divorce attorney who concentrates exclusively on mediation and collaborative divorce. Different Mindsets: Mediator vs. Litigator Divorce lawyers who are in court a lot are influenced by the arguing and combative language they use in court. Such arguments and contentious language are best avoided when working to achieve an out-of-court settlement. Attorneys who dedicate their practice to mediation and collaborative divorce use communication skills that facilitate coming to an agreement. They make a positive connection with both spouses, demonstrating that they understand what is most important to them in resolving their issues. Buyer Beware When looking for divorce attorney, and want to avoid court, ask if their practice is focused exclusively on collaborative and mediation. Just because an attorney calls themselves a “collaborative lawyer” … Read More...

Collaborative Divorce and Mediation: Disagreeing Without Being Disagreeable

Focusing my law practice on collaborative divorce and mediation has inspired me to strengthen my conflict resolution skills, and to apply them to other areas of my life. Love Your Enemies: How Decent People Can Save America from the Culture of Contempt, a powerful book by Arthur C. Brooks, pulls together philosophical and practical teachings from the world’s great thinkers on the moral imperative for human beings to be able to disagree in a respectful and productive way. The title of the book stems from the Gospel of Matthew 5:44, although there are many other citations in both the Hebrew Scriptures and the New Testament that express similar instructions regarding the treatment of so-called “enemies.” Moreover, other sources that Brooks cites in the book include Aristotle, Plato, Abraham Lincoln, Nelson Mandala, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., motivational speaker Simon Sinek, marriage and relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, and Ivy League professors … Read More...

Affordable New York Divorce: Get a Mediation Friendly Divorce Attorney

Let’s say you have made the wise decision to divorce via mediation. All ethical and professional divorce mediators will encourage each spouse to consult with his/her own separate review attorney, at least before signing off on a final divorce settlement agreement. One of my areas of expertise is serving as a mediation friendly review attorney for a spouse during a New York divorce mediation. Why a “mediation friendly” attorney? It is important for the review attorney to be mediation friendly as well as well-versed in New York divorce law. That is because it’s imperative that the client get good legal advice while still optimizing the chances that the couple make an out of court settlement. If the review attorney is too aggressive, like some New York divorce litigators, the mediation can be torpedoed with the spouses ending up in court at their considerable expense. Typically, this review process begins when … Read More...

The Best Attorney for an Out-of-Court Divorce Settlement

If you are on the threshold of a divorce, and you hope to avoid an expensive ordeal in court, you will want an attorney who concentrates exclusively on mediation and collaborative divorce. Divorce lawyers who are in court a lot are influenced by the arguing and combative language they use in court. Such arguments and contentious language are best avoided when working to achieve an out-of-court settlement. Attorneys trained in mediation and collaborative divorce use communication skills that facilitate coming to an agreement. Lawyers who focus on collaborative divorce and mediation practice active listening skills, and they help the divorcing spouses to identify their needs and interests and those of their children. They make a positive connection with both spouses, demonstrating that they understand what is most important to them in resolving their issues. Attorneys who spend a lot of time in court bring a conflict-oriented mindset to settlement negotiations. … Read More...