Co-parenting during the holidays is often fraught with difficulty, even many years after a divorce.
For couples who choose to divorce the collaborative way, however, the stress of the “holiday shuffle” is reduced, if not eliminated. The collaborative process allows the divorcing couple to structure a holiday plan for the children tailored to the needs of their specific situation.
Because both parents have played an active role in the process – working in partnership with each other and their attorneys – both parents have a sense of ownership of the holiday plan. They are less likely to resist it or try to undermine it each year when the holidays come along. Moreover, some flexibility can be incorporated into the plan when negotiating collaboratively.
This points out one of the most important reasons to consider a collaborative divorce. When a couple has had children together, there is going to have to be an ongoing co-parenting relationship.
The collaborative process makes it possible for the two divorcing partners to “own” all provisions in a settlement agreement. This can prevent the ongoing conflict that often ensues after court ordered provisions or a settlement arrived at through traditional adversarial negotiation. Indeed, we have all heard tales of couples who go back to court multiple times after their divorce to re-litigate issues that were “settled” through the adversarial process.
Divorce, by definition, comprises conflict. The way the issues of the conflict are addressed will determine whether the conflict continues post-divorce, or whether a long-term resolution is achieved. Collaborative divorce offers the best prospect for a long-term resolution.
