If you are on the threshold of a divorce in New York, and you hope to have a divorce out-of-court settlement, you will want a New York divorce attorney who concentrates exclusively on mediation and collaborative divorce.
Different Mindsets: Mediator vs. Litigator
Divorce lawyers who are in court a lot are influenced by the arguing and combative language they use in court. Such arguments and contentious language are best avoided when working to achieve an out-of-court settlement. Attorneys who dedicate their practice to mediation and collaborative divorce use communication skills that facilitate coming to an agreement. They make a positive connection with both spouses, demonstrating that they understand what is most important to them in resolving their issues.
Buyer Beware
When looking for divorce attorney, and want to avoid court, ask if their practice is focused exclusively on collaborative and mediation. Just because an attorney calls themselves a “collaborative lawyer” or “mediator” doesn’t mean they bring that frame of mind to their negotiations. Attorneys who spend a lot of time in court bring a conflict-oriented mindset to settlement negotiations. The following story is an object lesson that demonstrates my point.
How a So-Called Collaborative Attorney Torpedoed a Negotiation
Several years ago, I had a New York collaborative divorce case in which I represented the husband. The wife’s attorney taught collaborative divorce at a local law school. She had a lot of technical knowledge about collaborative divorce, but she did mostly divorce litigation, so she was in court a lot. She was not in a good frame of mind to use collaborative communication skills.
At the first collaborative four-way meeting (with both spouses and their respective attorneys), my client (the husband) interrupted the wife’s lawyer, who then scolded my client for interrupting her. Scolding someone is not a good tactic at the first collaborative four-way meeting. There are respectful, non-confrontational ways to handle such an interruption.
The next day, my client fired me and hired a law firm known to be one of the hardest hitting divorce litigation firms in New York City.
You know who was most upset by this? The wife, who most wanted to collaborate and avoid a child custody litigation. Her so-called collaborative attorney did her a huge disservice.
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