There is a myth out there that the only way to resolve a high-conflict divorce is to go to court. Actually, mediation and collaborative divorce – in the hands of skilled conflict resolution professionals – can be much better routes for many high-conflict cases. This is especially true for divorces in Westchester County, New York.
High-conflict cases usually encompass so many assets and issues – it can be monumentally expensive and time-consuming for the court to resolve every issue. When I say time-consuming, I mean not just months –it can be years! Westchester County, in particular, has a tremendous backlog of divorce cases in the courts. Moreover, the Westchester County divorce courts require attorneys to prepare an elaborate trial notebook, which can cost clients many “billable hours.”
The courts are steeped in the adversarial system. In a high-conflict situation, adversarial negotiations function like pouring gasoline on a fire. The non-adversarial negotiating techniques that skilled mediators and collaborative attorneys bring to the table do just the opposite.
Every time you go to court to address a different bone of contention, the spouses become further polarized and a settlement becomes less and less likely. On the other hand, attorneys skilled in mediation and collaborative are able to help the couple focus on the big picture and the desired outcome: a settlement that works for both of them and their children.
Mediating or collaborating in a high-conflict divorce requires specific skills on the part of the divorce attorney. Among these skills are –
- being able to stay calm and clear-headed when tempers rise,
- knowing how to ask questions that help the client(s) discern the needs or concerns that underlie the rigid positions they have taken,
- knowing how to reframe a situation if the client is fixated on an injustice (real or perceived) done to them,
- knowing how to help the clients tap into their own problem-solving skills.
So – the key here is – mediation or the collaborative process can work in a high-conflict divorce if the attorney(s) involved is (are) are highly skilled in non-adversarial negotiation. Before hiring a mediator or collaborative attorney for your divorce in Westchester County, check their credentials. How much training and experience do they have with non-adversarial divorce settlements?
© Arnold D. Cribari 2016
