If you are on the threshold of a divorce, and you hope to avoid an expensive ordeal in court, you will want an attorney who concentrates exclusively on mediation and collaborative divorce.
Divorce lawyers who are in court a lot are influenced by the arguing and combative language they use in court. Such arguments and contentious language are best avoided when working to achieve an out-of-court settlement. Attorneys trained in mediation and collaborative divorce use communication skills that facilitate coming to an agreement.
Lawyers who focus on collaborative divorce and mediation practice active listening skills, and they help the divorcing spouses to identify their needs and interests and those of their children. They make a positive connection with both spouses, demonstrating that they understand what is most important to them in resolving their issues.
Attorneys who spend a lot of time in court bring a conflict-oriented mindset to settlement negotiations. The following is an object lesson that demonstrates my point.
Several years ago, I had a collaborative divorce case in which I represented the husband. The wife’s collaborative divorce lawyer did mostly divorce litigation, so she was in court a lot. She also taught collaborative divorce at a local law school. She had a lot of technical knowledge about collaborative divorce, but was not in a good frame of mind to practice it because she was so immersed in divorce litigation.
At the first collaborative four-way meeting (with both spouses and their respective attorneys), my client (the husband) interrupted the wife’s lawyer, who then scolded my client for interrupting her. Scolding someone can work in court, but it is not a good tactic at the first collaborative four-way meeting. There are respectful, non-confrontational ways to handle such an interruption.
The next day, my client fired me and hired a law firm known to be one of the hardest hitting divorce litigation firms in New York City.
You know who was most upset by this? The wife, who most wanted to collaborate and avoid a child custody litigation that then ensured. Her so-called collaborative attorney had done her a huge disservice.
