Blog - Westchester Divorce Lawyer

Collaborative Divorce and Mediation: Disagreeing Without Being Disagreeable

Focusing my law practice on collaborative divorce and mediation has inspired me to strengthen my conflict resolution skills, and to apply them to other areas of my life. Love Your Enemies: How Decent People Can Save America from the Culture of Contempt, a powerful book by Arthur C. Brooks, pulls together philosophical and practical teachings from the world’s great thinkers on the moral imperative for human beings to be able to disagree in a respectful and productive way. The title of the book stems from the Gospel of Matthew 5:44, although there are many other citations in both the Hebrew Scriptures and the New Testament that express similar instructions regarding the treatment of so-called “enemies.” Moreover, other sources that Brooks cites in the book include Aristotle, Plato, Abraham Lincoln, Nelson Mandala, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., motivational speaker Simon Sinek, marriage and relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, and Ivy League professors … Read More...

Affordable New York Divorce: Get a Mediation Friendly Divorce Attorney

Let’s say you have made the wise decision to divorce via mediation. All ethical and professional divorce mediators will encourage each spouse to consult with his/her own separate review attorney, at least before signing off on a final divorce settlement agreement. One of my areas of expertise is serving as a mediation friendly review attorney for a spouse during a New York divorce mediation. Why a “mediation friendly” attorney? It is important for the review attorney to be mediation friendly as well as well-versed in New York divorce law. That is because it’s imperative that the client get good legal advice while still optimizing the chances that the couple make an out of court settlement. If the review attorney is too aggressive, like some New York divorce litigators, the mediation can be torpedoed with the spouses ending up in court at their considerable expense. Typically, this review process begins when … Read More...

The Best Attorney for an Out-of-Court Divorce Settlement

If you are on the threshold of a divorce, and you hope to avoid an expensive ordeal in court, you will want an attorney who concentrates exclusively on mediation and collaborative divorce. Divorce lawyers who are in court a lot are influenced by the arguing and combative language they use in court. Such arguments and contentious language are best avoided when working to achieve an out-of-court settlement. Attorneys trained in mediation and collaborative divorce use communication skills that facilitate coming to an agreement. Lawyers who focus on collaborative divorce and mediation practice active listening skills, and they help the divorcing spouses to identify their needs and interests and those of their children. They make a positive connection with both spouses, demonstrating that they understand what is most important to them in resolving their issues. Attorneys who spend a lot of time in court bring a conflict-oriented mindset to settlement negotiations. … Read More...

Affordable New York Divorce: Part 2

In a prior blog post, I began sharing my thoughts on how to bring about an affordable New York divorce. As stated in the prior post, the first step is to use an out-of-court settlement process. In addition to divorce mediation and collaborative divorce, another out-of-court settlement process for divorcing couples is a kitchen table or “Starbucks divorce.” This means that they simply meet (maybe even in a public place like Starbucks), ideally after consulting with knowledgeable mediation-friendly divorce lawyers. Then, the couple, themselves, respectfully negotiate their own terms for a divorce settlement. After they have agreed on terms, they can go to a divorce lawyer to draft the settlement agreement and uncontested divorce papers. (A kitchen table or Starbucks divorce is rarely mentioned by lawyers because there is a lot less money in it for the lawyer.) Below are other things that I offer divorcing couples to help them … Read More...

Affordable New York Divorce

Believe it or not, it is possible to have an affordable New York divorce, and my mission is to help people that need the services of a divorce lawyer, to obtain such services at a reasonable cost and with limited disruption in their lives. My law practice is organized specifically to help people achieve these goals. This includes low overhead, because I pay no rent – I work from my Yorktown Heights, NY, home office. I pass this savings on to my clients – I have a lower hourly rate than most divorce attorneys. Moreover, I am committed to settling divorces, whenever possible, because divorce litigation can drive up the costs of a New York divorce monumentally. Not every case can be settled, so there is a need for ethical, competent divorce litigators. However, I have chosen at this time in my life, to retire from divorce litigation and focus … Read More...

New York Divorce: Choose Your Divorce Lawyer Carefully

Are you a New York State resident considering a divorce? Buyer beware! Unfortunately, there are some New York divorce attorneys who will exacerbate conflict and thereby generate higher fees and other expenses. The good news is that there are New York divorce lawyers who can keep your divorce from becoming a protracted conflict that will deplete your assets. These attorneys have significant training and experience in mediation and collaborative divorce. At your initial consultation, they will explain these more economical options for dissolving your marriage. Instead of unnecessarily rushing off to divorce court, these attorneys will help you make an out-of-court divorce settlement consistent with your reasonable needs and interests, and those of your children and spouse. Not only will such a divorce settlement save you tons of money, it will also greatly increase your chances of having a good aftermath to your divorce. Think about this: how important is … Read More...

Cribari and Cribari

My late uncle, Wolfe Cribari, was a legend in the Westchester County law community. I was only 15 years old when he died in 1966, so we never interacted as lawyers when I became a divorce and family law attorney in the late 1970s. I really only knew my uncle as a great trial lawyer by reputation and a larger than life personality. His Ivy League post-graduate education was unique among his nine siblings, who were the children of Italian immigrants. Consequently, he was revered by his brothers and sisters – by my father in particular. My choice of a career in law was inspired – in part – by my uncle’s legend. My memories of Wolfe, however, had nothing to do with his law career. I remember him from family gatherings. My most vivid memory is of his wonderful singing voice. One evening at my grandmother’s house when I … Read More...

A Primary Care Divorce Lawyer

Guest blog by Shawn Kennedy Cribari We all know what a primary care physician is. What is a primary care divorce lawyer? I have been married for 44 years to an unusual New York divorce and family law attorney. (I’ll spare you the jokes about him not believing in his own product.) He and I were musing the other day, trying to come up with a label that defines his distinctive philosophy and practice. “You’re the guy people go to when they want to avoid the courtroom, if at all possible. You’re all about preventing unnecessary suffering and expense,” I said. “It’s like going to a doctor who advises against unnecessary surgery.” Hence, the term “primary care divorce lawyer.” Arnold Cribari works in an array of out-of-court divorce settlement processes: • Mediation • Collaborative Divorce • Settlement negotiation via legal action • A hybrid of some or all of the … Read More...

When Divorcing a Narcissist: Part 2

This is a continuation of my prior blog on the dos and don’ts of divorcing a narcissist. A collaborative divorce can be an effective method for divorce from a narcissist because there are conflict resolution professionals involved in the process. This may seem counterintuitive, but collaborative doesn’t mean you cave to the demands of the narcissist. Attorneys with conflict resolution training can bring artful negotiating skills into the process. Very few litigation-oriented attorneys have conflict resolution training. Moreover, when utilizing the collaborative interdisciplinary model (i.e. including mental health professionals as coaches) you have four professionals involved who have finely honed communication skills. Narcissists Have Blind Spots Micki McWade, LCSW, a collaborative divorce coach and licensed psychotherapist says, narcissists need reassurance because they have blind spots that prevent them from perceiving the situation rationally. Moreover, they are incapable of understanding that their spouse has legitimate needs and concerns that differ from … Read More...

When You’re Divorcing from a Narcissist – Part 1

When one of the spouses in a divorce is a narcissist, negotiations are especially challenging. As a member of the New York Association of Collaborative Professionals (NYACP), I have the benefit of learning from colleagues on a regular basis. At a recent NYACP meeting, Micki McWade, LCSW, gave a presentation on Narcissism and Addiction as Common Themes in Marriage that Lead to Divorce. A licensed psychotherapist, Ms. McWade is also a divorce coach, i.e. a mental health professional who provides support and advice to a divorcing spouse. For more about divorce coaches, click here: https://www.westchesterdivorcelawyer.com/divorce-coaches-in-collaborative-divorce/ At the outset, it is important to keep in mind that Ms. McWade said that we all have some degree of narcissism. Also, I have found that many people with little knowledge or experience in dealing with narcissism, rush to judgement and are quick to label their spouse as a narcissist. The purpose here is not … Read More...