Westchester Divorce Lawyer – Arnold D. Cribari

Why choose a collaborative divorce?

As a divorce attorney, I have been part of the collaborative divorce movement for 12 years. Before that, I spent 25 years in the adversarial divorce system. Over the past 14 years – since collaborative began in New York State – collaborative has been gaining a reputation as the less stressful, less costly, way to divorce. Yet it astonishes me that many people still choose to go the adversarial route; many of those divorces escalate into monumental messes. I wish there were a way to persuade people that – even in high conflict divorces – revenge on your spouse is not in your best interest. In New York State, there are legal guidelines for distribution of assets, maintenance, child support, etc. Fighting for demands beyond those legal guidelines can be a great adrenaline rush. Your attorney may even succeed in getting your spouse to cave on some of those issues. … Read More...

How to find a good collaborative divorce attorney

Collaborative divorce has achieved a reputation as a less stressful and less expensive divorce process. Consequently, more and more divorce lawyers are calling themselves collaborative attorneys. Unfortunately, just because an attorney labels him or herself as “collaborative” doesn’t necessarily mean that they have the training and skills to conduct a collaborative divorce. Your best bet is to select a collaborative divorce attorney who is an active member in good standing of the New York Association of Collaborative Professionals (NYACP). The NYACP has the most rigorous training requirement of any collaborative professionals’ group in the New York metropolitan area.

Choosing a Divorce Lawyer

So you and your spouse have decided that your marriage isn’t salvageable. You both are emotionally bruised and angry. Nevertheless, you would like to dissolve the marriage with as little stress as possible, both for yourselves and for your children. Here are some things to watch out for when choosing a divorce lawyer. In your first consultation, if the attorney says, “We need to file a summons,” ask why. If the answer is “because this is the way we start a divorce,” stop right there. Are you in a true emergency situation? Very few circumstances in a divorce are true emergencies. A true emergency includes physical abuse of any kind, psychological abuse of the children (i.e. a parent being cut off from their children); incessant psychological abuse of you (i.e. constant belittling), or financial abuse (i.e. withholding of money for rent, mortgage, food and/or other necessities). If you find yourself … Read More...

Saving on the Cost of Divorce

Almost all litigated divorces in Westchester and New York State (i.e. contested divorces through the court system) ultimately get settled, oftentimes “on the courthouse steps.” Unfortunately, in order to get a divorce to the courthouse steps, it takes an enormous amount of time for both lawyers to provide all of the necessary professional services. This results in high legal fees. Since litigated divorces almost always get settled, doesn’t it make sense to focus on settlement at every step in the divorce process to reduce divorce costs? That is exactly what happens in the collaborative divorce process in Westchester and NY. There is only one agenda in a collaborative case: to gather the necessary information and negotiate a settlement that is tailored to the reasonable needs of both spouses and their children. Collaborative is more streamlined, takes substantially less time for the attorneys, and, therefore, is a relatively inexpensive divorce process … Read More...

Collaborating When Litigating a Divorce. An Oxymoron?

Recently, another divorce attorney made a profound comment about the practice of divorce law: “So many litigations settle before trial, I consider my litigated cases to be another opportunity to collaborate. In fact, I see them as another form of collaborative.” What a revolutionary idea! This attorney and I were on opposite sides of a very intensely litigated divorce. Like most divorce cases, it settled before trial. Both of us brought our collaborative skills to the negotiations, and we both had a collaborative attitude. Despite the hotly contested issues in the case, we were able to collaborate to the extent that the divorcing couple, the Judge and the circumstances made it possible do so. We were able to preserve more of the couple’s financial resources than would have been possible if the case had gone to trial, followed by the inevitable appeal. When it is necessary for a divorce litigator … Read More...

Divorce: Why consider Collaborative?

The court system is, by definition, adversarial. The system is set up to pit conflicting parties against each other. Justice is achieved – in theory – because the party with the most persuasive argument “wins.” When it comes to dissolving a marriage, however, this theory of justice is not borne out in experience. A divorcing couple’s “day in court” usually comes at an enormous price, depleting their financial resources and causing emotional damage. The adversarial system intensifies and prolongs conflict. Even in adversarial divorces settled “out of court,” the negotiations involve intimidation and power, again at excessive cost. To be sure – there are some situations (cases involving domestic violence, for example) where court action is necessary. In most divorce cases, though, there are no clear-cut villains and victims. Just hurt, angry people trapped in a system that promotes antagonism and distrust. Mediation is a viable alternative for some couples … Read More...

Co-Parenting and Collaborative Divorce

Co-parenting during the holidays is often fraught with difficulty, even many years after a divorce. For couples who choose to divorce the collaborative way, however, the stress of the “holiday shuffle” is reduced, if not eliminated. The collaborative process allows the divorcing couple to structure a holiday plan for the children tailored to the needs of their specific situation. Because both parents have played an active role in the process – working in partnership with each other and their attorneys – both parents have a sense of ownership of the holiday plan. They are less likely to resist it or try to undermine it each year when the holidays come along. Moreover, some flexibility can be incorporated into the plan when negotiating collaboratively. This points out one of the most important reasons to consider a collaborative divorce. When a couple has had children together, there is going to have to … Read More...

What Kind of Collaborative Advocacy Do You Need?

When you and your spouse choose collaborative practice as the process for resolving your divorce, it is critical that your collaborative lawyer provide the advocacy that you need, and that your voice is heard during the settlement conferences.

What is the advocacy that you need from your collaborative divorce attorney? Very simply, that depends on you and what you need at any given moment in the collaborative case. Collaborative practice is very fluid settlement process and there is a spectrum of advocacy that an experienced and well-trained collaborative lawyer can provide.

When you and your spouse choose collaborative practice as the process for resolving your divorce, it is critical that your collaborative lawyer provide the advocacy that you need, and that your voice is heard during the settlement conferences. What is the advocacy that you need from your collaborative divorce attorney? Very simply, that depends on you and what you need at any given moment in the collaborative case. Collaborative practice is very fluid settlement process and there is a spectrum of advocacy that an experienced and well-trained collaborative lawyer can provide.

Children and Divorce

Parenting can be challenging, even under ideal circumstances. When parents divorce, parenting is even more of a challenge. The conflict that gave rise to the divorce and the divorce itself put children under stress. Helping children cope with this major disruption in their lives requires extra parenting skill. Moreover, a child needs a good relationship with both parents, regardless of how the parents feel about each other. I encourage divorcing parents to get some coaching on co-parenting from a mental health professional with expertise in this area. Look for a therapist who provides a focused form of counseling that teaches specific strategies to help divorcing parents understand and meet their children’s needs. Many of the therapists who belong to the New York Association of Collaborative Professionals provide co-parenting coaching. http://www.nycollaborativeprofessionals.org/who-is-collaborative-for/children

Why Collaborative Divorce or Mediation?

Huffington Post Divorce Blogger Mark Baer’s latest post is entitled “Is Mediation About Reaching the Same Result in a More Efficient and Economic Manner?” This is a great question, and gets to the heart of an even more basic question, “Why mediation?” In my experience doing collaborative divorce (a form of mediation), the results are far superior to what a judge will decide at trial. In a true mediation process, the parties can shape a result tailored to their specific needs and interests. After 35 years’ experience doing family law litigation and 12 years doing collaborative divorce and mediation, I have found that judges wield a blunt instrument; in mediation, the parties use a scalpel when resolving issues. And, as Mark Baer points out, judges bring their own unconscious biases to the process. Moreover, because the parties in a mediation “own” the result, there is usually very little post-settlement conflict … Read More...