Collaborative Divorce Archives - Westchester Divorce Lawyer

Collaborative Divorce and Mediation: Disagreeing Without Being Disagreeable

Focusing my law practice on collaborative divorce and mediation has inspired me to strengthen my conflict resolution skills, and to apply them to other areas of my life. Love Your Enemies: How Decent People Can Save America from the Culture of Contempt, a powerful book by Arthur C. Brooks, pulls together philosophical and practical teachings from the world’s great thinkers on the moral imperative for human beings to be able to disagree in a respectful and productive way. The title of the book stems from the Gospel of Matthew 5:44, although there are many other citations in both the Hebrew Scriptures and the New Testament that express similar instructions regarding the treatment of so-called “enemies.” Moreover, other sources that Brooks cites in the book include Aristotle, Plato, Abraham Lincoln, Nelson Mandala, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., motivational speaker Simon Sinek, marriage and relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, and Ivy League professors … Read More...

The Best Attorney for an Out-of-Court Divorce Settlement

If you are on the threshold of a divorce, and you hope to avoid an expensive ordeal in court, you will want an attorney who concentrates exclusively on mediation and collaborative divorce. Divorce lawyers who are in court a lot are influenced by the arguing and combative language they use in court. Such arguments and contentious language are best avoided when working to achieve an out-of-court settlement. Attorneys trained in mediation and collaborative divorce use communication skills that facilitate coming to an agreement. Lawyers who focus on collaborative divorce and mediation practice active listening skills, and they help the divorcing spouses to identify their needs and interests and those of their children. They make a positive connection with both spouses, demonstrating that they understand what is most important to them in resolving their issues. Attorneys who spend a lot of time in court bring a conflict-oriented mindset to settlement negotiations. … Read More...

Affordable New York Divorce: Part 2

In a prior blog post, I began sharing my thoughts on how to bring about an affordable New York divorce. As stated in the prior post, the first step is to use an out-of-court settlement process. In addition to divorce mediation and collaborative divorce, another out-of-court settlement process for divorcing couples is a kitchen table or “Starbucks divorce.” This means that they simply meet (maybe even in a public place like Starbucks), ideally after consulting with knowledgeable mediation-friendly divorce lawyers. Then, the couple, themselves, respectfully negotiate their own terms for a divorce settlement. After they have agreed on terms, they can go to a divorce lawyer to draft the settlement agreement and uncontested divorce papers. (A kitchen table or Starbucks divorce is rarely mentioned by lawyers because there is a lot less money in it for the lawyer.) Below are other things that I offer divorcing couples to help them … Read More...

Affordable New York Divorce

Believe it or not, it is possible to have an affordable New York divorce, and my mission is to help people that need the services of a divorce lawyer, to obtain such services at a reasonable cost and with limited disruption in their lives. My law practice is organized specifically to help people achieve these goals. This includes low overhead, because I pay no rent – I work from my Yorktown Heights, NY, home office. I pass this savings on to my clients – I have a lower hourly rate than most divorce attorneys. Moreover, I am committed to settling divorces, whenever possible, because divorce litigation can drive up the costs of a New York divorce monumentally. Not every case can be settled, so there is a need for ethical, competent divorce litigators. However, I have chosen at this time in my life, to retire from divorce litigation and focus … Read More...

A Primary Care Divorce Lawyer

Guest blog by Shawn Kennedy Cribari We all know what a primary care physician is. What is a primary care divorce lawyer? I have been married for 44 years to an unusual New York divorce and family law attorney. (I’ll spare you the jokes about him not believing in his own product.) He and I were musing the other day, trying to come up with a label that defines his distinctive philosophy and practice. “You’re the guy people go to when they want to avoid the courtroom, if at all possible. You’re all about preventing unnecessary suffering and expense,” I said. “It’s like going to a doctor who advises against unnecessary surgery.” Hence, the term “primary care divorce lawyer.” Arnold Cribari works in an array of out-of-court divorce settlement processes: • Mediation • Collaborative Divorce • Settlement negotiation via legal action • A hybrid of some or all of the … Read More...

When Divorcing a Narcissist: Part 2

This is a continuation of my prior blog on the dos and don’ts of divorcing a narcissist. A collaborative divorce can be an effective method for divorce from a narcissist because there are conflict resolution professionals involved in the process. This may seem counterintuitive, but collaborative doesn’t mean you cave to the demands of the narcissist. Attorneys with conflict resolution training can bring artful negotiating skills into the process. Very few litigation-oriented attorneys have conflict resolution training. Moreover, when utilizing the collaborative interdisciplinary model (i.e. including mental health professionals as coaches) you have four professionals involved who have finely honed communication skills. Narcissists Have Blind Spots Micki McWade, LCSW, a collaborative divorce coach and licensed psychotherapist says, narcissists need reassurance because they have blind spots that prevent them from perceiving the situation rationally. Moreover, they are incapable of understanding that their spouse has legitimate needs and concerns that differ from … Read More...

When You’re Divorcing from a Narcissist – Part 1

When one of the spouses in a divorce is a narcissist, negotiations are especially challenging. As a member of the New York Association of Collaborative Professionals (NYACP), I have the benefit of learning from colleagues on a regular basis. At a recent NYACP meeting, Micki McWade, LCSW, gave a presentation on Narcissism and Addiction as Common Themes in Marriage that Lead to Divorce. A licensed psychotherapist, Ms. McWade is also a divorce coach, i.e. a mental health professional who provides support and advice to a divorcing spouse. For more about divorce coaches, click here: https://www.westchesterdivorcelawyer.com/divorce-coaches-in-collaborative-divorce/ At the outset, it is important to keep in mind that Ms. McWade said that we all have some degree of narcissism. Also, I have found that many people with little knowledge or experience in dealing with narcissism, rush to judgement and are quick to label their spouse as a narcissist. The purpose here is not … Read More...

Divorce in the Time of Omicron

The surging Omicron variant of the Coronavirus is causing us to retreat into early pandemic-mode. If you’re a New York State resident considering a divorce at this time, you may have concerns about in-person meetings and court hearings. Mediated divorces and collaborative divorces can be handled safely, contagious variant notwithstanding. Having mastered Zoom in the early stage of the pandemic, I can assure you that it’s possible to conduct negotiations virtually in a New York divorce. Indeed, one positive thing to come out of the pandemic is that – with the now common use of virtual meeting technology — the two spouses and the attorney(s) involved in a divorce settlement process needn’t be in close geographic proximity to negotiate a settlement. Even divorce papers can be executed and signed by a notary using virtual technology. However, for those who prefer in-person meetings, I have a large conference room in my … Read More...

Postnuptial Agreement: Can It Help Save The Marriage?

Are you hurt because your spouse cheated on you? That triggers a divorce for many people. If you have been hurt this way, it is perfectly understandable if you are considering a divorce. Earlier this year a marriage counselor recommended that a woman, living in an affluent suburb of Westchester County, contact me to help her with a Postnuptial Agreement. Although her husband cheated on her, she did not want a legal separation or a divorce. In fact, she was optimistic that her marriage could be saved and that a Postnuptial Agreement could help her accomplish that. What is a Postnuptial Agreement? It is similar to a Prenuptial Agreement except that instead of making it prior to the marriage, it is made after the marriage. Both Agreements are similar in that they commonly provide for the following in the event of a divorce : (a) protect the existing assets and … Read More...

New York Divorce: Choose Your Divorce Lawyer Carefully

Are you a New York State resident considering a divorce? Buyer beware! As mentioned in my last blog, if your divorce is not a genuine emergency, avoid the Charon-like* divorce lawyer who will unnecessarily subject you to the tortures of the damned at your great expense. The good news is that there are other New York divorce lawyers who take a different approach. At the initial consultation, they will explain all of the divorce process choices including mediation and collaborative law. Instead of unnecessarily rushing off to divorce court, these peacemakers will help you make an out of court divorce settlement consistent with your reasonable needs and interests, and those of your children and spouse. Not only will such a divorce settlement save you tons of money, it will also greatly increase your chances of having a good aftermath to your divorce, which could be a priceless benefit. Think about … Read More...