Westchester Divorce Lawyer – Arnold D. Cribari

Category: Collaborative Divorce

The Art of Balance in Collaborative Divorce

The flexibility and fluidity of the collaborative divorce process corrects power imbalances in the divorcing couple’s relationship and negotiations. It does this by – • Providing each spouse with the advice and support of a divorce attorney whose sole agenda item is to make a good settlement in which the needs and interests of his/her client, and, ideally, those of the other spouse, are fulfilled. • There is a fluid and flexible spectrum of advocacy in collaborative law. During negotiations the well-trained and experienced collaborative lawyer is fully prepared and knows in advance what is most important to his client. Moreover, the attorney has done his/her best to empower the client so those needs and concerns are articulated during the settlement conference. • If the client, for any reason, does not fully articulate those needs and interests during the four-way meetings (both spouses and their attorneys present), then it is … Read More...

Choose to Divorce with Dignity

Choosing to divorce with dignity through a collaborative divorce is easier said than done. The verb “choose” implies that the person doing the choosing is making a “free” choice. Yet – unless the divorcing person is a robot or from the planet Vulcan – there are likely to be emotional factors that impinge on a divorcing person’s ability to choose freely. When someone has been hurt deeply by the person they once loved, the ability to make a rational decision is clouded by pain, sadness and anger. The word “collaborative” may raise some emotional red flags. The very idea of choosing to embark on a collaborative process with the person who hurt you may feel too vulnerable. Or, the concept may feel unjust. So – to make a decision in your own best interests – it is important to learn something about collaborative before rejecting it out of hand. And … Read More...

Article on Collaborative Law Featured in the Huffington Post

Collaborative divorce seems to be entering the mainstream. A recent blog post in the Huffington Post provides an excellent overview of collaborative law. When reading it, however, keep in mind that every state in the U.S. can be like a different country when it comes to divorce law AND attorney qualifications. New York has no lawyer specialty certifications. A law license in New York authorizes an attorney with no experience or knowledge beyond what it takes to pass the bar exam to practice any specialty he or she chooses. When choosing collaborative divorce lawyer in New York State, one should ask a prospective attorney how many years of experience he/she has practicing collaborative law, how much rigorous training he/she has had in collaborative skills, to what group(s) of collaborative divorce professionals does he/she belong, and what are the training requirements for membership in said group(s). With that caveat in mind, … Read More...

How to Get an Affordable Divorce in Westchester: Part 3

If there is great conflict and/or power imbalances between you and your spouse, keeping your divorce affordable will be a challenge. The most affordable divorce processes, mediation and “kitchen table” divorces are not for you. It also may mean that collaborative divorce is not an option. But it still may be possible to keep costs within reason. You  may be tempted to look for the meanest, most aggressive courtroom lawyer (litigator) you can find. But, if affordability is an issue, do you want someone who will add exponentially to the “billable hours” you will have to pay for? It may be counter-intuitive, but consider hiring an experienced litigator who also has considerable training and experience in mediation and collaborative divorce. Why?  Because such a litigator has more skills in his/her negotiating toolbox, than the old school divorce “bomber.”  Old school divorce negotiation tactics usually exacerbate conflict, leading to months of … Read More...

How to Get an Affordable Divorce in Westchester: Part 2

As discussed in our prior blog post, the most affordable ways to divorce in Westchester County, NY, are the “kitchen table” divorce and mediation. Nevertheless, even if there are many points of disagreement and/or a power imbalance between you and your spouse, your divorce doesn’t have to break the bank. Collaborative divorce is another affordable option. A collaborative divorce can be a very good choice for couples in which there are some power imbalances in their relationship. Maybe one spouse has a stronger will than the other, is more articulate than the other, and/or has more money and information than the other spouse. Collaborative divorce also tends to be a better choice than mediation for complex divorce cases involving millions of dollars of assets and seven figure incomes. When considering what divorce process to choose, you might want to compare the divorce court to the operating room in medicine. Such … Read More...

How to Get an Affordable Divorce in Westchester: Part 1

Getting an affordable divorce in Westchester County, NY, is entirely possible. The first thing to do is to ask yourself these questions before getting started: Is this a simple divorce, with no complicated financial issues and no children? If not, do my spouse and I agree on the major issues involving the children, support, and division of property? Is there an equal balance of power between my spouse and me, meaning can both of us assert our needs without fear? Are we both willing to exchange important financial information? If you answered “Yes” to any of the above questions, you may be a candidate for a “kitchen table divorce,” or for mediation. A kitchen table divorce (also known as a “Starbucks divorce,”) means divorcing spouses reach an agreement between themselves on all major issues including child custody/visitation, support, and division of property. Then, one spouse hires an attorney to prepare … Read More...

Divorce Involving a Child with Autism

With April being Autism Awareness Month, I am reminded that – for a divorcing couple who has a child with special needs – a collaborative divorce offers the best way for the parents to come to an agreement on addressing the needs of the child. About ten years ago, I worked on a collaborative divorce in which the couple had two children, one of whom had been diagnosed on the autism spectrum. I represented the husband, and another collaborative attorney, “Lisa,” represented the wife. The parties were having heated arguments about parental decision-making. The defining moment in the case occurred at a four-way settlement conference when, after a few niceties were exchanged, the wife suddenly lashed out at the husband, exclaiming how upset she was at his criticism of her decision-making with respect to their child, and the various therapies she wanted him to undergo. Specifically, she accused her husband … Read More...

Your Children and Divorce

When parents divorce, children undergo stress. Of course, divorcing parents are dealing with their own stress: grieving the loss of the marriage, anger at their spouse, anxiety over finances, worries about the children, and fear of the unknown. Nevertheless, helping your children cope with this major disruption in their lives is a must. Moreover, your child needs a good relationship with both parents, regardless of how the parents feel about each other. An excellent resource for divorcing parents is a Parent Handbook produced by the New York State Parent Education and Awareness Program. This 75-page booklet, written by mental health professionals, is full of practical advice for divorcing parents. For a pdf of the Handbook, click here: http://www.nycourts.gov/IP/parent-ed/pdf/ParentsHandbook.pdf I encourage divorcing parents to get some coaching on co-parenting from a mental health professional with expertise in this area. Look for a therapist who provides a focused form of counseling that … Read More...

Divorcing a Narcissist

In my 35-year career as a divorce attorney, I have encountered some individuals – clients or the partner on the other side in a divorce – who were extraordinarily difficult. People who seemed to be in the divorce for the fight. People for whom “winning” was the sole consideration – at the cost of depleting their assets (“I’d rather go broke paying you [the attorney] than let my spouse get a penny.”) or – even worse – using their children as pawns in the conflict with their spouse. Don’t get me wrong. The stress of a divorce often brings out the worst in people. The pain of rejection can cause even the most rational and/or kind person to be overcome with anger. But fortunately, most people seem to be able to step back from their anger long enough to look at financial issues rationally and to behave in the best … Read More...

Co-Parenting and Holiday Schedule After Divorce

When a couple going through a divorce has had children together, there will have to be an ongoing co-parenting relationship. Co-parenting during the holidays is often fraught with conflict and stress, even many years after a divorce. We have all heard of couples who go back to court multiple times after their divorce to re-litigate holiday visitation issues that were “settled” through the adversarial process. The stress of the “holiday shuffle” can be reduced— or even eliminated –- when couples choose a collaborative divorce. The collaborative process allows the divorcing parents to structure a holiday plan for the children tailored to the needs of their specific situation. This brings to mind one of the most important reasons to consider a collaborative divorce. The collaborative process makes it possible for both divorcing partners to shape the provisions in a settlement agreement. The agreement can be fine-tuned to deal with the reasonable … Read More...