Westchester Divorce Lawyer – Arnold D. Cribari

Category: Collaborative Divorce

THINK MEDIATION OR COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE FIRST WHEN CONSIDERING A DIVORCE

There is some confusion about divorce process choices I want to clear up. Divorce mediation and collaborative divorce are the best options to consider for most divorcing couples. Mediation works great for couples who have an approximately equal balance of power in their relationship, and is the most economical of the divorce process choices.  In traditional divorce mediation, each spouse represents himself/herself in their negotiations that are facilitated by one neutral divorce mediator. Collaborative divorce is a form of mediation.  It is geared to more difficult cases where there is an unequal balance of power in the couple’s relationship.  Each spouse has his/her own collaboratively trained attorney, who can empower, advise and advocate for his/her client to correct any such power imbalances, and negotiate on an even playing field. In both mediation and collaborative divorce, it is important that each spouse asserts his/her needs and interests to the maximum extent, … Read More...

Collaborative Divorce Can Avert “Dirty Tricks”

Stu Webb, the attorney who invented Collaborative Divorce in 1990, made a critical point in an interview* he gave a few years ago: When the other side in a divorce litigation pulled “a dirty trick,” he often wondered whether the dirty trick came from the other lawyer or the other lawyer’s client. A divorce case can turn on a dirty trick. Unfortunately, issues as serious as long-term financial plans or even the custody of children can be determined by a dirty trick. The most malevolent dirty trick I ever experienced was in a child custody case many years ago. The case was going very well until the other spouse switched attorneys and hired a very high-priced divorce litigator. Shortly after the new attorney got involved, an accusation was made that the wife’s boyfriend sexually abused the parties’ 7-year old daughter. The husband ended up winning custody of the child. The … Read More...

Collaborative Divorce Empowers the Client

When I first suggest collaborative divorce to a prospective client, often their initial reaction is fear that suggesting a non-adversarial approach will make them look weak to their spouse. Although they would prefer to work things out reasonably, they are afraid that their spouse will see their reluctance to fight as an opportunity to take unfair advantage of them. This fear is understandable in our culture of “winners” and “losers.” Americans have been schooled in the Teddy Roosevelt philosophy of negotiation: “Speak softly, but carry a big stick.” Entering a divorce negotiation without a “big stick” – an aggressive lawyer – sounds like financial and emotional suicide. Yet, while some people may need an aggressive approach, they are the exception. Less than five per cent of all divorce cases go to trial; the rest settle out of court. So, in 95 per cent of divorce cases, a lawyer with excellent … Read More...

COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE: PERSUADE YOUR SPOUSE TO CONSIDER COLLABORATIVE

Let’s say you have decided to get a divorce and that the collaborative divorce process makes the most sense to you. For the collaborative process to work, both you and your spouse need to engage your own collaborative attorneys. So, what’s the best way to get your spouse to consider a collaborative divorce? Ideally, involve your spouse when you are exploring the options of litigation, mediation or collaborative. We all are much more likely to “buy in” to an idea if we feel that we discovered it. You can mention to your spouse that you have learned that collaborative divorce is cutting edge; when people in the know – like divorce lawyers, financial professionals, and therapists – are facing a divorce in their personal lives, they “go collaborative,” so they can get its benefits. Here are some of the benefits of a collaborative divorce: • It usually is less expensive … Read More...

After Divorce: Co-Parenting and the “Holiday Shuffle”

When a couple going through a divorce has had children together, there is going to have to be an ongoing co-parenting relationship. Having just spent an enjoyable Easter holiday with my own family, I was reminded that co-parenting during the holidays is often fraught with conflict and stress, even many years after a divorce. We have all heard tales of couples who go back to court multiple times after their divorce to re-litigate holiday visitation issues that were “settled” through the adversarial process. For couples who choose a collaborative divorce, however, the stress of the “holiday shuffle” is reduced, if not eliminated. The collaborative process allows the divorcing parents to structure a holiday plan for the children tailored to the needs of their specific situation. This brings to mind one of the most important reasons to consider a collaborative divorce. The collaborative process makes it possible for the two divorcing … Read More...

NYACP: THE PLACE TO FIND A NEW YORK DIVORCE LAWYER

The NYACP (New York Association of Collaborative Professionals) is the place to go if you are looking for a divorce lawyer in the New York City metropolitan area. What is the NYACP? It is an association of like-minded collaborative professionals who share a powerful commitment. This commitment includes achieving excellence in their work as collaborative lawyers, divorce coaches, child specialists and financial specialists. Every NYACP member in good standing is required to satisfy ongoing and rigorous collaborative training requirements, which include attending numerous seminars each year that continuously improve the collaborative professional’s skills. This results in more and better divorce settlements that stand the test of time, meeting the reasonable needs of divorcing couples and their children. Why go collaborative and why settle? For the benefits of a collaborative divorce, which include: (1) protecting children from the trauma of a divorce war in Court; (2) avoiding the monumental legal and … Read More...

MY NYACP MEMBERSHIP IS PRICELESS

Since joining the New York Assocation of Collaborative Professionals (NYACP) in 2002, I represented 50 to 75 clients who were able to successfully settle their collaborative divorce cases during those dozen years. Then, during the past several months, I have not been retained on any new collaborative divorce cases. Yet I still regard my NYACP membership as priceless. Here’s why. At its essence, the NYACP is an association of like-minded professionals. They share a powerful commitment that is three-fold: (1) to achieve excellence in their work as collaborative lawyers, divorce coaches, child specialists and financial specialists; (2) to obtain long-lasting interest-based divorce settlements; and (3) to promote collaborative so that people think collaborative first when considering a divorce. Sharing such a commitment with others over the years, building trust and having fun at the same time, makes the relationships between NYACP members priceless for three basic reasons. First, these relationships … Read More...

Collaborative Divorce and a Special Needs Child

With March being Developmental Disabilities Awareness Month, I am reminded that – for a divorcing couple who has a child with special needs – a collaborative divorce offers the best way for the parents to come to an agreement on addressing the needs of the child. About ten years ago, I worked on a collaborative divorce in which the couple had two children, one of whom had been diagnosed on the autism spectrum. I represented the husband, and another collaborative lawyer, “Michelle,” represented the wife. The parties were having some very heated arguments about parental decision-making and access to the children. The defining moment in the case occurred at a four-way settlement conference when, after a few niceties were exchanged, the wife suddenly lashed out at the husband, exclaiming how upset she was at his criticism of her decision-making with respect to their disabled child, and the various therapies she … Read More...

An Affordable Divorce

As a divorce lawyer with a solo practice, I offer clients personalized service and reasonable fees. Maintaining an office with low overhead expenses translates into a lower hourly rate for my services. I particularly enjoy doing collaborative divorce and mediation. In those cases, I work in partnership with my clients to achieve a settlement that works for both divorcing spouses and their children. I like collaborative and mediation because those processes empower the client and enable us to work together to find creative, “outside the box” solutions. Collaborative and mediation are also much more economical for the client, since those processes eliminate the need for writing voluminous legal papers and spending monumental hours in court. When collaborative or mediation is not possible, and clients are doing a litigated (court-based) divorce, I sometimes team up with an attorney colleague, particularly if my client’s spouse has hired a large law firm. This … Read More...

Beat the System in a Divorce

© Arnold D. Cribari, 2015 If you want to beat the system in a divorce and save a lot of money, a collaborative divorce or mediation is the way to go. You can “cut to the chase;” skip going to court and avoid paying for monumental hours of your lawyer’s time in preparation for court. Get to the heart of a settlement discussion early in the process. Here’s how it works. You and your spouse meet together with both of your attorneys, arrange for necessary financial disclosure and start a four-way conversation about settlement. This obviates the need for unnecessary financial disclosure, legal motions, court appearances – and the thousands of dollars in lawyers’ fees generated by all of that paperwork and courtroom presentations. In the collaborative process, both you and your spouse have your own attorneys. Your collaborative attorney is your ally and will make sure that you are … Read More...