Westchester Divorce Lawyer – Arnold D. Cribari

Category: Divorce Litigation

How to Get an Affordable Divorce in Westchester: Part 3

If there is great conflict and/or power imbalances between you and your spouse, keeping your divorce affordable will be a challenge. The most affordable divorce processes, mediation and “kitchen table” divorces are not for you. It also may mean that collaborative divorce is not an option. But it still may be possible to keep costs within reason. You  may be tempted to look for the meanest, most aggressive courtroom lawyer (litigator) you can find. But, if affordability is an issue, do you want someone who will add exponentially to the “billable hours” you will have to pay for? It may be counter-intuitive, but consider hiring an experienced litigator who also has considerable training and experience in mediation and collaborative divorce. Why?  Because such a litigator has more skills in his/her negotiating toolbox, than the old school divorce “bomber.”  Old school divorce negotiation tactics usually exacerbate conflict, leading to months of … Read More...

How to Get an Affordable Divorce in Westchester: Part 2

As discussed in our prior blog post, the most affordable ways to divorce in Westchester County, NY, are the “kitchen table” divorce and mediation. Nevertheless, even if there are many points of disagreement and/or a power imbalance between you and your spouse, your divorce doesn’t have to break the bank. Collaborative divorce is another affordable option. A collaborative divorce can be a very good choice for couples in which there are some power imbalances in their relationship. Maybe one spouse has a stronger will than the other, is more articulate than the other, and/or has more money and information than the other spouse. Collaborative divorce also tends to be a better choice than mediation for complex divorce cases involving millions of dollars of assets and seven figure incomes. When considering what divorce process to choose, you might want to compare the divorce court to the operating room in medicine. Such … Read More...

Divorce Involving a Child with Autism

With April being Autism Awareness Month, I am reminded that – for a divorcing couple who has a child with special needs – a collaborative divorce offers the best way for the parents to come to an agreement on addressing the needs of the child. About ten years ago, I worked on a collaborative divorce in which the couple had two children, one of whom had been diagnosed on the autism spectrum. I represented the husband, and another collaborative attorney, “Lisa,” represented the wife. The parties were having heated arguments about parental decision-making. The defining moment in the case occurred at a four-way settlement conference when, after a few niceties were exchanged, the wife suddenly lashed out at the husband, exclaiming how upset she was at his criticism of her decision-making with respect to their child, and the various therapies she wanted him to undergo. Specifically, she accused her husband … Read More...

Your Children and Divorce

When parents divorce, children undergo stress. Of course, divorcing parents are dealing with their own stress: grieving the loss of the marriage, anger at their spouse, anxiety over finances, worries about the children, and fear of the unknown. Nevertheless, helping your children cope with this major disruption in their lives is a must. Moreover, your child needs a good relationship with both parents, regardless of how the parents feel about each other. An excellent resource for divorcing parents is a Parent Handbook produced by the New York State Parent Education and Awareness Program. This 75-page booklet, written by mental health professionals, is full of practical advice for divorcing parents. For a pdf of the Handbook, click here: http://www.nycourts.gov/IP/parent-ed/pdf/ParentsHandbook.pdf I encourage divorcing parents to get some coaching on co-parenting from a mental health professional with expertise in this area. Look for a therapist who provides a focused form of counseling that … Read More...

Divorcing a Narcissist

In my 35-year career as a divorce attorney, I have encountered some individuals – clients or the partner on the other side in a divorce – who were extraordinarily difficult. People who seemed to be in the divorce for the fight. People for whom “winning” was the sole consideration – at the cost of depleting their assets (“I’d rather go broke paying you [the attorney] than let my spouse get a penny.”) or – even worse – using their children as pawns in the conflict with their spouse. Don’t get me wrong. The stress of a divorce often brings out the worst in people. The pain of rejection can cause even the most rational and/or kind person to be overcome with anger. But fortunately, most people seem to be able to step back from their anger long enough to look at financial issues rationally and to behave in the best … Read More...

Co-Parenting and Holiday Schedule After Divorce

When a couple going through a divorce has had children together, there will have to be an ongoing co-parenting relationship. Co-parenting during the holidays is often fraught with conflict and stress, even many years after a divorce. We have all heard of couples who go back to court multiple times after their divorce to re-litigate holiday visitation issues that were “settled” through the adversarial process. The stress of the “holiday shuffle” can be reduced— or even eliminated –- when couples choose a collaborative divorce. The collaborative process allows the divorcing parents to structure a holiday plan for the children tailored to the needs of their specific situation. This brings to mind one of the most important reasons to consider a collaborative divorce. The collaborative process makes it possible for both divorcing partners to shape the provisions in a settlement agreement. The agreement can be fine-tuned to deal with the reasonable … Read More...

Divorce: Think Twice Before Going to Divorce Court

A divorce trial is comparable to an operation in the medical field. Both the divorce trial and the operation are serious, expensive, stressful and extremely risky. Whenever possible, responsible physicians recommend less risky alternatives than surgery like physical therapy or medicine. Likewise, when it comes to divorce, responsible divorce attorneys will recommend a settlement through collaborative divorce or mediation, rather than going through the court system. A divorce trial could turn out worse than an operation. Unlike an operation where most, if not all, of the expense is commonly covered by insurance, there is no such thing as insurance to cover the cost of a divorce trial. Unlike an operation, where the medical professionals almost always work as a team to promote healing, the divorce trial lawyers are each doing their best to attack, discredit and destroy each other as well as the other spouse. And how many operations take … Read More...

THINK MEDIATION OR COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE FIRST WHEN CONSIDERING A DIVORCE

There is some confusion about divorce process choices I want to clear up. Divorce mediation and collaborative divorce are the best options to consider for most divorcing couples. Mediation works great for couples who have an approximately equal balance of power in their relationship, and is the most economical of the divorce process choices.  In traditional divorce mediation, each spouse represents himself/herself in their negotiations that are facilitated by one neutral divorce mediator. Collaborative divorce is a form of mediation.  It is geared to more difficult cases where there is an unequal balance of power in the couple’s relationship.  Each spouse has his/her own collaboratively trained attorney, who can empower, advise and advocate for his/her client to correct any such power imbalances, and negotiate on an even playing field. In both mediation and collaborative divorce, it is important that each spouse asserts his/her needs and interests to the maximum extent, … Read More...

Collaborative Divorce Can Avert “Dirty Tricks”

Stu Webb, the attorney who invented Collaborative Divorce in 1990, made a critical point in an interview* he gave a few years ago: When the other side in a divorce litigation pulled “a dirty trick,” he often wondered whether the dirty trick came from the other lawyer or the other lawyer’s client. A divorce case can turn on a dirty trick. Unfortunately, issues as serious as long-term financial plans or even the custody of children can be determined by a dirty trick. The most malevolent dirty trick I ever experienced was in a child custody case many years ago. The case was going very well until the other spouse switched attorneys and hired a very high-priced divorce litigator. Shortly after the new attorney got involved, an accusation was made that the wife’s boyfriend sexually abused the parties’ 7-year old daughter. The husband ended up winning custody of the child. The … Read More...

Collaborative Divorce Empowers the Client

When I first suggest collaborative divorce to a prospective client, often their initial reaction is fear that suggesting a non-adversarial approach will make them look weak to their spouse. Although they would prefer to work things out reasonably, they are afraid that their spouse will see their reluctance to fight as an opportunity to take unfair advantage of them. This fear is understandable in our culture of “winners” and “losers.” Americans have been schooled in the Teddy Roosevelt philosophy of negotiation: “Speak softly, but carry a big stick.” Entering a divorce negotiation without a “big stick” – an aggressive lawyer – sounds like financial and emotional suicide. Yet, while some people may need an aggressive approach, they are the exception. Less than five per cent of all divorce cases go to trial; the rest settle out of court. So, in 95 per cent of divorce cases, a lawyer with excellent … Read More...